The DVD of Venice
Act IV, Scene 2
Padua. The Data
Center.
Late at night. It is storming without.
(Enter Omelet,
with storage device)
And so this night
it has befallen me
To place within the server on the rack
This lone peripheral. A small device
Which turns and turns the media within.
A DVD in Tyvek jacket
clad
Will soon its little garment shed and then
Lie naked in the drive I shall install,
To spin at several thousand RPM,
Yet in so moving, go nowhere at all.
A paradox! But not the only one
That life presents! But now on to the task:
The drive is made
for DVD and yet
A CD cousin may from time to time
Find comfort resting safe upon the tray.
Warmed by thermal outputs, cooled by fans,
Yielding up its sweet and secret bits.
A SCSI drive, a
UNIX box. And that's
As easy as a hardware task can be.
I think it rivals "Plug and play." It seems
It takes but little mother wit and can
Be done by rustics, those who scarce have sense
To pound into a rathole grains of sand.
First, a shutdown,
with the option "h"
(The users in their downy beds lie sleeping and
the backup ended when the clock struck one.)
In safety I proceed to power down.
The power cord I
next remove unless
I choose to risk my buttocks being fried.
The server door,
I open it, and find
Within, the sturdy, stalwart cage (the good
and robust steel peripheral cage). It lies
well-moored, at peace, and simply does its duty.
Out, out, screw
1! Out, out, screw 2! And so
The cage is free! I'll slip it from its dock.
Did Alexander feel so bold when he
Unchained the slaves in ancient Timbuktu?
Next (and fifth
if I do count it right)
I'll slide the DVD drive in the cage,
As Antony might slide his sword of flesh
Into the sheath that Cleopatra bore.
Are these the screws
that I must use to make
the drive secure within the cage? They are!
I'll tighten them. There's 1 and 2 and 3.
And let the fourth be screwed like all the rest.
Zounds! Oh base
and bumbling bullfrog, I!
I near forgot to a check a vital thing:
The SCSI address could be wrong, but soft!
The jumpers on the back are set at 2.
I'll leave them thus, for oft it's said: That man
Who meddles when the fact'ry settings work
Will spoil the job and thence be called a jerk.
Oh little mech,
oh fairest mech, I now
With thee the SCSI ribbon cable join.
Medusa's data tendrils will entwine
And draw forth data packets for all time,
Until, of course, a better model ships
And thou art cast aside as so much junk.
And now the inside
power cable comes
To cunningly attach its tiny fangs
To the receptacle that's crafted on thy rear.
But fear not that it bites you in the butt!
It gives thee life and thus thou art empowered.
Now move apace!
The time is short! We must
Return at once the cage to whence it came.
The two long screws which we had first removed
Must now be tightened as before. And then
We close the door and reinstall the black
External power cord withal. That's that!
But how will I configure
this new drive?
Oh. Stupid codpiece stuffing, I!
What once I knew I since forgot, and that's
The drive will self-configure on a boot!
Then let it be!
The ON/OFF switch I'll now
Engage, with finger trembling like that knave
I caught, who stole the cookies from my desk.
She boots! She boots! In faith, I see she boots!
And thus the L E Ds report my work...
Blinking amber turns to green. It runs!
(Alarums, trumpets,
drums)
Bassanio, the boss
man, sounds his drums!
I'll hie me to the break room ere he comes.
(Exit)
